oblivion

Happy 21st Birthday to Me!

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 20:00:00 GMT

I can't believe I'm 21 and I don't even drink. At least I can get into bars now, ones I couldn't get in with my friends and with Jay before today. I was supposed to go out last night at midnight but instead I was a party pooper and wanted to finish watching a movie and go to bed. Jay was more upset than I was because I wouldn't go out for my 21st. I was going to wear a really hot outfit too but I wanted to stay in my comfortable pjs instead. Next weekend I will probably party, even though I'm not the party type. I will try though. I'm just glad I don't have to sneak into bars now with Jay.

I don't want to grow up!

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 19:11:54 GMT

So I just got off the phone with my friend who is going to school in some other state...I just forgot where...and I can't believe that she is probably going to get married next summer. Well that's when she and her boyfriend want to. I just found that interesting because I feel like I never want to get married. I think I'm just really scared. I know Jasmine can remember when I always would talk about marriage and I couldnt wait till it happened because I would always talk to her about it and she would be like "you can wait!" I think she was right because I don't want to grow up so fast. I think I've just changed since I realized that I want to be a journalist (or do I?) and I want to concentrate on being successful in my career. I guess that comes first to me and then marriage in the way future. I shouldn't even think about it anyway because I need to finish school, which will probably take me a million more years because I'm not going to graduate next year and I want to go for my masters. I can't grow up yet anyway because I still have to do an internship, but I'm scared to do that also because if I do then it will mean that I am one step closer to getting older.

Moral of the story: Getting older is scary!

Oh yeah and I forgot to mention one last thing...

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 03:17:34 GMT

JASMINE IS COMING HOME THIS THURSDAY! Whoever wants to celebrate her being home, call me so we can arrange something. I would like to go out Friday night with her, the gay boys, and lizzie if she wants to come.

What I've learned...

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 03:10:36 GMT

I know I haven't updated in years but who cares b/c no one reads this thing anyway and it's really for my own personal use. After crying in front of my editor, from being frustrated and stressed about my writing and with school and my life, I learned that in Journalism NO ONE IS PERFECT! No one writes articles perfect the first time like I hoped so much to do. Even journalists that work for Newsday or NY Times arent perfect my editor said. Now you'd think this would be someting obvious for me to figure out, but no because I am a perfectionist. By writing this I hope to look back at this again and again to remind myself that it's okay to rewrite articles. It is actually better If you do. Every piece of writing can use improvements. So I have to learn not to stress about writing like I always do because soon enough I will give my self a heartattack (knock on wood that I don't!).

I also learned what a Nutgraph is-it's a paragraph after the lede explaining what the whole article is about.

Also, I learned some editing-when writing "blah blah blah", Peter, Presient of oraganization said, President is NOT capitalized.

I also need to organize my information before I actually write the article. Maybe that's why this article for my school paper this week came out to be 1000+ words when it was only supposed to be a 1/4 page which is way less words than 1000. It took me forever to write because I used everything in my notes, which I learned I didn't have to because a lot of it was boring and unimportant anyway. So for my next article I will try organizing my notes first and then write the article. I hope this works out to be better and easier for me.

Until the next few years, I'm out (Well maybe I will write something soon...if your lucky)

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 15:04:23 GMT

why am i always tired? i have no motivation to do anything anymore. i can't wait for this semester to end. im becoming so lazy.

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:52:00 GMT

lizzie you dont know how happy i am that you called me and jas and you want to be our friends again. i cant stop smiling im just so happy and jas called me so happy. i never saw her so happy. it just proves how upset she was too by this whole thing. awwww im just so happy:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) cuz if you didnt want to be our friends again i would have been upset and it would prob be hard to talk to you ok i dont want to jinx anything so i will shut up now but im so happy:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:31:32 GMT

i like this song by papa roach-scars Papa Roach / Downloads / Default.asp : Scars
and i like this poem:
ANDREA DEL SARTO (CALLED "THE FAULTLESS PAINTER")
Publication Date: 1855.

1 But do not let us quarrel any more,
2 No, my Lucrezia; bear with me for once:
3 Sit down and all shall happen as you wish.
4 You turn your face, but does it bring your heart?
5 I'll work then for your friend's friend, never fear,
6 Treat his own subject after his own way,
7 Fix his own time, accept too his own price,
8 And shut the money into this small hand
9 When next it takes mine. Will it? tenderly?
10 Oh, I'll content him,--but to-morrow, Love!
11 I often am much wearier than you think,
12 This evening more than usual, and it seems
13 As if--forgive now--should you let me sit
14 Here by the window with your hand in mine
15 And look a half-hour forth on Fiesole,
16 Both of one mind, as married people use,
17 Quietly, quietly the evening through,
18 I might get up to-morrow to my work
19 Cheerful and fresh as ever. Let us try.
20 To-morrow, how you shall be glad for this!
21 Your soft hand is a woman of itself,
22 And mine the man's bared breast she curls inside.
23 Don't count the time lost, neither; you must serve
24 For each of the five pictures we require:
25 It saves a model. So! keep looking so--
26 My serpentining beauty, rounds on rounds!
27 --How could you ever prick those perfect ears,
28 Even to put the pearl there! oh, so sweet--
29 My face, my moon, my everybody's moon,
30 Which everybody looks on and calls his,
31 And, I suppose, is looked on by in turn,
32 While she looks--no one's: very dear, no less.
33 You smile? why, there's my picture ready made,
34 There's what we painters call our harmony!
35 A common greyness silvers everything,--
36 All in a twilight, you and I alike
37 --You, at the point of your first pride in me
38 (That's gone you know),--but I, at every point;
39 My youth, my hope, my art, being all toned down
40 To yonder sober pleasant Fiesole.
41 There's the bell clinking from the chapel-top;
42 That length of convent-wall across the way
43 Holds the trees safer, huddled more inside;
44 The last monk leaves the garden; days decrease,
45 And autumn grows, autumn in everything.
46 Eh? the whole seems to fall into a shape
47 As if I saw alike my work and self
48 And all that I was born to be and do,
49 A twilight-piece. Love, we are in God's hand.
50 How strange now, looks the life he makes us lead;
51 So free we seem, so fettered fast we are!
52 I feel he laid the fetter: let it lie!
53 This chamber for example--turn your head--
54 All that's behind us! You don't understand
55 Nor care to understand about my art,
56 But you can hear at least when people speak:
57 And that cartoon, the second from the door
58 --It is the thing, Love! so such things should be--
59 Behold Madonna!--I am bold to say.
60 I can do with my pencil what I know,
61 What I see, what at bottom of my heart
62 I wish for, if I ever wish so deep--
63 Do easily, too--when I say, perfectly,
64 I do not boast, perhaps: yourself are judge,
65 Who listened to the Legate's talk last week,
66 And just as much they used to say in France.
67 At any rate 'tis easy, all of it!
68 No sketches first, no studies, that's long past:
69 I do what many dream of, all their lives,
70 --Dream? strive to do, and agonize to do,
71 And fail in doing. I could count twenty such
72 On twice your fingers, and not leave this town,
73 Who strive--you don't know how the others strive
74 To paint a little thing like that you smeared
75 Carelessly passing with your robes afloat,--
76 Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,
77 (I know his name, no matter)--so much less!
78 Well, less is more, Lucrezia: I am judged.
79 There burns a truer light of God in them,
80 In their vexed beating stuffed and stopped-up brain,
81 Heart, or whate'er else, than goes on to prompt
82 This low-pulsed forthright craftsman's hand of mine.
83 Their works drop groundward, but themselves, I know,
84 Reach many a time a heaven that's shut to me,
85 Enter and take their place there sure enough,
86 Though they come back and cannot tell the world.
87 My works are nearer heaven, but I sit here.
88 The sudden blood of these men! at a word--
89 Praise them, it boils, or blame them, it boils too.
90 I, painting from myself and to myself,
91 Know what I do, am unmoved by men's blame
92 Or their praise either. Somebody remarks
93 Morello's outline there is wrongly traced,
94 His hue mistaken; what of that? or else,
95 Rightly traced and well ordered; what of that?
96 Speak as they please, what does the mountain care?
97 Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
98 Or what's a heaven for? All is silver-grey,
99 Placid and perfect with my art: the worse!
100 I know both what I want and what might gain,
101 And yet how profitless to know, to sigh
102 "Had I been two, another and myself,
103 "Our head would have o'erlooked the world!" No doubt.
104 Yonder's a work now, of that famous youth
105 The Urbinate who died five years ago.
106 ('Tis copied, George Vasari sent it me.)
107 Well, I can fancy how he did it all,
108 Pouring his soul, with kings and popes to see,
109 Reaching, that heaven might so replenish him,
110 Above and through his art--for it gives way;
111 That arm is wrongly put--and there again--
112 A fault to pardon in the drawing's lines,
113 Its body, so to speak: its soul is right,
114 He means right--that, a child may understand.
115 Still, what an arm! and I could alter it:
116 But all the play, the insight and the stretch--
117 (Out of me, out of me! And wherefore out?
118 Had you enjoined them on me, given me soul,
119 We might have risen to Rafael, I and you!
120 Nay, Love, you did give all I asked, I think--
121 More than I merit, yes, by many times.
122 But had you--oh, with the same perfect brow,
123 And perfect eyes, and more than perfect mouth,
124 And the low voice my soul hears, as a bird
125 The fowler's pipe, and follows to the snare --
126 Had you, with these the same, but brought a mind!
127 Some women do so. Had the mouth there urged
128 "God and the glory! never care for gain.
129 "The present by the future, what is that?
130 "Live for fame, side by side with Agnolo!
131 "Rafael is waiting: up to God, all three!"
132 I might have done it for you. So it seems:
133 Perhaps not. All is as God over-rules.
134 Beside, incentives come from the soul's self;
135 The rest avail not. Why do I need you?
136 What wife had Rafael, or has Agnolo?
137 In this world, who can do a thing, will not;
138 And who would do it, cannot, I perceive:
139 Yet the will's somewhat--somewhat, too, the power--
140 And thus we half-men struggle. At the end,
141 God, I conclude, compensates, punishes.
142 'Tis safer for me, if the award be strict,
143 That I am something underrated here,
144 Poor this long while, despised, to speak the truth.
145 I dared not, do you know, leave home all day,
146 For fear of chancing on the Paris lords.
147 The best is when they pass and look aside;
148 But they speak sometimes; I must bear it all.
149 Well may they speak! That Francis, that first time,
150 And that long festal year at Fontainebleau!
151 I surely then could sometimes leave the ground,
152 Put on the glory, Rafael's daily wear,
153 In that humane great monarch's golden look,--
154 One finger in his beard or twisted curl
155 Over his mouth's good mark that made the smile,
156 One arm about my shoulder, round my neck,
157 The jingle of his gold chain in my ear,
158 I painting proudly with his breath on me,
159 All his court round him, seeing with his eyes,
160 Such frank French eyes, and such a fire of souls
161 Profuse, my hand kept plying by those hearts,--
162 And, best of all, this, this, this face beyond,
163 This in the background, waiting on my work,
164 To crown the issue with a last reward!
165 A good time, was it not, my kingly days?
166 And had you not grown restless... but I know--
167 'Tis done and past: 'twas right, my instinct said:
168 Too live the life grew, golden and not grey,
169 And I'm the weak-eyed bat no sun should tempt
170 Out of the grange whose four walls make his world.
171 How could it end in any other way?
172 You called me, and I came home to your heart.
173 The triumph was--to reach and stay there; since
174 I reached it ere the triumph, what is lost?
175 Let my hands frame your face in your hair's gold,
176 You beautiful Lucrezia that are mine!
177 "Rafael did this, Andrea painted that;
178 "The Roman's is the better when you pray,
179 "But still the other's Virgin was his wife--"
180 Men will excuse me. I am glad to judge
181 Both pictures in your presence; clearer grows
182 My better fortune, I resolve to think.
183 For, do you know, Lucrezia, as God lives,
184 Said one day Agnolo, his very self,
185 To Rafael . . . I have known it all these years . . .
186 (When the young man was flaming out his thoughts
187 Upon a palace-wall for Rome to see,
188 Too lifted up in heart because of it)
189 "Friend, there's a certain sorry little scrub
190 "Goes up and down our Florence, none cares how,
191 "Who, were he set to plan and execute
192 "As you are, pricked on by your popes and kings,
193 "Would bring the sweat into that brow of yours!"
194 To Rafael's!--And indeed the arm is wrong.
195 I hardly dare . . . yet, only you to see,
196 Give the chalk here--quick, thus, the line should go!
197 Ay, but the soul! he's Rafael! rub it out!
198 Still, all I care for, if he spoke the truth,
199 (What he? why, who but Michel Agnolo?
200 Do you forget already words like those?)
201 If really there was such a chance, so lost,--
202 Is, whether you're--not grateful--but more pleased.
203 Well, let me think so. And you smile indeed!
204 This hour has been an hour! Another smile?
205 If you would sit thus by me every night
206 I should work better, do you comprehend?
207 I mean that I should earn more, give you more.
208 See, it is settled dusk now; there's a star;
209 Morello's gone, the watch-lights show the wall,
210 The cue-owls speak the name we call them by.
211 Come from the window, love,--come in, at last,
212 Inside the melancholy little house
213 We built to be so gay with. God is just.
214 King Francis may forgive me: oft at nights
215 When I look up from painting, eyes tired out,
216 The walls become illumined, brick from brick
217 Distinct, instead of mortar, fierce bright gold,
218 That gold of his I did cement them with!
219 Let us but love each other. Must you go?
220 That Cousin here again? he waits outside?
221 Must see you--you, and not with me? Those loans?
222 More gaming debts to pay? you smiled for that?
223 Well, let smiles buy me! have you more to spend?
224 While hand and eye and something of a heart
225 Are left me, work's my ware, and what's it worth?
226 I'll pay my fancy. Only let me sit
227 The grey remainder of the evening out,
228 Idle, you call it, and muse perfectly
229 How I could paint, were I but back in France,
230 One picture, just one more--the Virgin's face,
231 Not yours this time! I want you at my side
232 To hear them--that is, Michel Agnolo--
233 Judge all I do and tell you of its worth.
234 Will you? To-morrow, satisfy your friend.
235 I take the subjects for his corridor,
236 Finish the portrait out of hand--there, there,
237 And throw him in another thing or two
238 If he demurs; the whole should prove enough
239 To pay for this same Cousin's freak. Beside,
240 What's better and what's all I care about,
241 Get you the thirteen scudi for the ruff!
242 Love, does that please you? Ah, but what does he,
243 The Cousin! what does he to please you more?

244 I am grown peaceful as old age to-night.
245 I regret little, I would change still less.
246 Since there my past life lies, why alter it?
247 The very wrong to Francis!--it is true
248 I took his coin, was tempted and complied,
249 And built this house and sinned, and all is said.
250 My father and my mother died of want.
251 Well, had I riches of my own? you see
252 How one gets rich! Let each one bear his lot.
253 They were born poor, lived poor, and poor they died:
254 And I have laboured somewhat in my time
255 And not been paid profusely. Some good son
256 Paint my two hundred pictures--let him try!
257 No doubt, there's something strikes a balance. Yes,
258 You loved me quite enough. it seems to-night.
259 This must suffice me here. What would one have?
260 In heaven, perhaps, new chances, one more chance--
261 Four great walls in the New Jerusalem,
262 Meted on each side by the angel's reed,
263 For Leonard, Rafael, Agnolo and me
264 To cover--the three first without a wife,
265 While I have mine! So--still they overcome
266 Because there's still Lucrezia,--as I choose.

267 Again the Cousin's whistle! Go, my Love.

This poem and song have no relation with each other. i just like them and would like to share it with everyone so here you go

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 04:15:38 GMT

i dont want to talk about the the lizzie thing anymore, but since jasmine is a good friend and she is receiving all the blame, i guess i must talk. i dont think jasmine deserves all the blame or any of it for that matter. lizzie you should have just talked to us that night and just admit you were wrong too cuz jas and i admited we might have been wrong for saying stuff and since you didnt now we are upset too. i dont like being in the middle of things. nothing is going to change between me and jas because of this. i think jas is a great friend to me and i will always cherish her friendship. lizzie i am willing to be your friend too as long as you dont talk bad about jasmine to me and i dont hear it from anyone else cuz then i will get upset. i dont like fighting bc i guess im not a good fighter i just want everyone to get along bc i love everyone. i accept people for their faults, well i try my best too, bc i know people make mistakes. mistakes are for making and learning from them. so lizzie i think you should just realize what you did, which you might have realized but wont say to us, and then learn from it. i think you just need to find yourself. your young still. this is not the end of the world. you are just finding yourself at this age and i understand bc everyone has to find themself. i always feel bad for people who are suffering and people say i shouldnt bc im too nice but i cant help it thats the person i am. i will also continue to be matts friend because i feel bad for him too. lizzie it seems that you dont know what you want and i know its hard trying to find what you want, esp. with me who is so indecisive. i dont know what to say anymore i just dont have time to argue about this bc im busy with school and because i dont like being in the middle. i also think that since you didnt like jas that much from the begining (you said you considered me a better friend, but you should have also considered jas to be a better friend too bc of all the stuff she did for you-getting you a job, getting you into the ambulance core-which jas told me personally after that she wanted to help you because she cared for you because she saw you not having many options for a career since you didnt graduate yet-this is a nice thing how could u think she did nothing for you?)
it is easier to put all the blame on her. im just sick and tired of people, nice people for being blamed for things. errrrr i dont know what to say. i think lizzie needs to calm down before talking to jas again because i dont like seeing fights. everyone should just calm down for however long it takes i know it is easier said than done. but i dont know what else to say i feel the need to say sorry that all this had to happen to everyone

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 00:42:11 GMT

Lizzie this goes out to you because i think you should have talked to me and jasmine. Jasmine and I am still willing to talk to you. Don't hate jasmine until you know the whole story and after you do u still shouldnt hate her because we all made a mistake and mistakes happen we just need to talk it out now and learn from them. Im really sorry for taking part in the incident because i did and i want to admit it to you. When i went back, after taking jay home, i told matt a very personal detail that i shouldnt have which made him completely devastated, if he wasn't so much already. I only knew of this detail from jas, who you told. And you def. told her because jasmine wouldnt lie about this. Why would she want to lie. It is not like jasmine planned on telling matt at all. Matt told jas bad stuff about her and said he did not think highly of her after what he said he heard from you. This got jas very upset. She was very hurt because she valued your friendship and wanted to help you. Matt was also curious about you. You cannot blame him for that and not blame Jas for doing what she did and me adding to it. Jasmine and I were put in a very difficult situation because it is hard being in the middle of two friends (you and matt). We just want everything to be settled. I guess you need some time to cool off and that is fine. But i hope you will want to talk to us soon and not hate us forever because we only care for your well being, even though u may not see it or think it. We still value u as a friend and i hope u can value our friendship again, even after all this-Love Cerissa

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 17:04:17 GMT

I was hoping school would be cancelled today, as was everyone else. But instead my school got a delayed start at 10 but i didnt have classes till after 10 so it really didnt matter. There was tons of parking this morning bc everyone just decided to make their own snow day. Only 3 other people showed up in my journalism class and me and that is where I am right now. We just went over our articles we written. My second article wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. I'm actually starting to learn some techniques. So i feel a little bit better. My stomach is starting to hurt and i have another class after this. I just want to go home and do my communication theory project. I would have had it done yesterday but i was lazy. It's due tomo. I'm tired of doing hw that starting to slack off. I'm prob not gonna go to work today so i can do my project. I'm afraid work is gonna hate me cuz i didnt even go in yesterday. I just feel like hanging out with jay tonite and not have to do any work. I just talked to jasmine on the phone and i made my plans for tonite-I'm going home after school at 2 then I'm gonna work on my project until 7 bc it will prob take me that long and then i will hang out with jay. Then after that if i'm not too tired i will go see jas and lizzie, if she's there, at the ambulance core. i just cant wait till my project is done cuz its stressing me out.

Whats the purpose of my life?

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 00:22:50 GMT

I dont know whats the purpose of my life at this point. School is driving me crazy because im so worked up on what i want to pursue as a career and what i really want to major in. I say this because right now im an english major and i dont want to be a teacher. I know i can be an editor then or... i dont know. I dont think i want to be a journalist because i realized im not a good people person and i dont like interviewing people bc i get too nervous. i guess this means i shouldnt pusue journalism as a career or a minor? i dont know. What do you think ellen? i guess i can just become a librarian like jasmine said i should because i could handle working in a calm relaxing place like that and i get to help people find books and research things for them. im good at that. i wish i could do something more exciting but all the exciting things i can't seem to handle because im not a people person and im too shy and i get too nervous easily. it sux. so now i think im going nowhere. i feel like all i ever do is hw and reading. i dont even have time for my friends and i miss lizzie and jasmine so much. everything is happening and i dont know anything like jasmine getting a boyfriend, which im very happy for her. i just hardly see jas anymore cuz shes busy with the emt class and lizzie i hardly saw anyway, but now at least i know where to find her, either at work or the emt, so thats a good thing. i've been so busy i couldnt even hang out with my russian friend from school and i still have her christmas gift to give her but by the time i give it to her she wont be able to wear it bc winter will be over. i cant wait till my vacation in march. i dont even get a break this weekend either cuz i have so much stuff do next mon. damn school sux. i need to find something i like soon. i feel like i wasted my first 2 years of college bc ive just been doing stuff i dont even seem to like. im so dumb. i also have to make an appointment to make my fall schedule this week and decide what classes to take next year. hopefully im smart and take stuff that can help me find out what to do with the rest of my life.

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 02:31:41 GMT

Hey what's up to no one who reads my live journal! I'm finally back for now and probably wont be for a another few months cuz this is the first time being on the comp and having some time to do nothing. Well my life has been crazy busy with school. I haven't even been able to hang out with my girls liz and jas and i miss them soooo much. At least i got to see them the other nite cuz i need comforting after this whole mess i got myself into with jay, but everying is fine now and i still love my bf. I was getting nervous though bc i did have a dream that he broke up with me the day before valentine's day and i actually thought it was going to come true this weekend but its not thank gosh. I drive myself crazy, always thinking of crzy stuff and always crying over crzy stuff. i feel so dumb. its time to take charge though and stop thinking the worse about every little thing. I think i finally found out what i want to do with my life. I think im going to stay an eng. major and possibly minor in journalism. I will have to see after this semester in reporting 1 goes first bc i just got my first article this weekend and i dont think its going too well. im too nervous to interview people so i dont think journalism would be a good profession for me. i need something behind the scenes, like maybe an editing job or something. maybe i just have to get used to interviewing people and actually talking to people and then i wont be so nervous anymore. i hope so because i get scared talking to people sometimes bc what if they yell at me. see this is why i think im crzy bc i worry about everything i need to stop this and start not caring what other people think but of course it is easier said than done. this semester sucks it just seems like i have more work this semester than others. im slacking at work bc iam hardly there bc of school and all the hw i have to do. i wanted to go into work today but i couldnt get up in time. it sux bc now i wont be able to go to work mon cuz i have to be a reporter cuz my journalism article is due tuesday and the people i have to talk to arent available til monday. i hope to get my hair highlighted next monday since im off from school but its gonna be bitch trying to get $50-75 for it. i want all different red colored highlights in my hair i just want it to stand out and look crzy bc im crzy well talk to no one in a few months...

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 21:34:34 GMT

C is for Cheerful
E is for Entertaining
R is for Rich
I is for Impressive
S is for Skillful
S is for Strong
A is for Astounding

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 01:55:51 GMT

is it so wrong to like this song?http://launchtoday.launch.yahoo.com/player/player.asp?cid=1&ps=undefined&sx=g%2F4%2Exml&vid=1113128&bw=undefined&fs=&referer=http%3A//search.launch.yahoo.com/search/lsearch/video%3Fp%3Dlets%20go&resize=1

who showers these days anyway?

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 19:17:27 GMT

Lol so i heard from a friend, who heard from her friend that talks to my x-x-boyfriend (cough cough joe cough cough), that he and his friends think my boyfriend is gross because he doesnt shower. Lol i just think thats so funny cuz i haven't took a shower in years. Showers are so over-rated nowadays anyway....lol......

Yeah so that is the most ridiculous thing ive heard cuz even if my boyfriend didnt take a shower in his past when he didnt have a girlfriend, he does now cuz if he didnt i wouldnt want to go out with a dirty person like that. Ha Ha its so crazy how news travels so fast in l-town. Everyone has something bad to say about everyone and can't just mind their own business. It's so childish. I don't care what my boyfriend did in his past because i've heard he has done some crazy stuff, as long as he doesnt do crazy stuff now and treats me well that's all that matters. I'm very happy with him So screw you all who have something negative to say about me and him....

On to better news, I got a 95 on my cinema midterm and a 97 on my political science midterm. I know what ur thinking-Cerissa rocks because she is so smart and doesn't like to go out with guys that shower!...lol...

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 23:41:10 GMT

So i finally made my schedule for next semester and im think im almost sure what i want to do with my life through college...somewhat. Well i decided for now to stay as an english major and i will minor in journalism. I wanted to do digital art and design but my academic advisor said i can just take some classes on that and make a portfolio so when i look for a job that involves that stuff i can show them. I may want to do stuff with magazine layout like being a magizine layout editor and with an english major i can still do that. Im still not sure really what i want to do so im staying with english to keep my options open since with that major u can do a variety of things. I just love to write. my dream is to become a famous author one day but i cant rely on that because sometimes dreams just dont come true:( well anyway next semester i am taking an intro to journalism class called reporting, creative writing-this should be my favorite, a philosophy-one of my cores, western civ-which is another one of my cores that im dreading, and an english class-that is one of my major cores. I just can't wait to take my reporting class and creative writing class:)
I got my first english paper back the other day and it really upset me and let all my hopes down for that day, of majoring in english altogther. My prof. wrote that it could be at least a B paper or better if i work on the introduction and other stuff she found wrong with it. She said the paper got better as you read along, which i agree now. My intro really did suck. That's the most difficult part of the paper for me because i never know how to start it. Well my mistake was that i tried to be too creative in the introduction when this paper is supposed to have a serious tone. I was upset cuz i liked how i started it bc i thought it was different but it wasnt good enough. At least i get to rewrite it and i have the rest of the semester to hand it in. But i was still upset that day because my writing sux. Here i am this whole time through high school thinking im so good at writing when really it seems like i suck. I should be getting A's all the time without having to rewrite my papers-isn't that what an english major should be getting? only three people in the class got A's and the rest has to rewrite them. I thought i was going to be the one who got the A. But I didnt let this get to me because as a writer i must be open to criticism so i got over it. i just hate when u think a piece of ur writing is so good and in the end u find out it isnt.
To make that day even more worse, on the way to school i got pulled over by a cop! yes jasmine i said cop! haha i was right around the block from my house driving to schoool not thinking about stopping for stop signs apparently and the cop pulled me over. but then i got lucky and he got a call and said that he had to leave so he didnt give me a ticket afterall. But he was all mean about it and said "you're lucky i just got a call. you went through a stop sign" and he sped off. Thank goodness though he got a call cuz that would have been my second stop sign ticket this year and my parents would have freaked. But there are too many stop signs on Bloomingdale road that i hate stopping for all of them or sometimes i dont even realize they're there.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 01:34:56 GMT

My brain is all jumbled from spending 3hours writing a 6 page essay for my victorian english class tomo. i started the essay yesterday but only got to 2 pages and i just finished the rest now but im not even completely done because i dont have a conclusion cuz i dont feel like writing one now and jasmine has to proofread it. i know its not perfect still its probably all disoraganized and jumbled like my brain right now is. so jas will have to fix it then i will have to fix it and then my plan to go to bed early tonite is ruined bc by the time jas gets to proofread it it will be late. And i want to hang out with my boyfriend, which is sleeping right now and i have to call himto wake him up. i did want to visit liz at work but shes closing at 10 so i have some time but i feel to jumbled and rushed that i dont know if i want to. i just hope i will be able to wake up on time tomo cuz last week i missed my eng class cuz i woke up too late. i dont have to leave my house till 10 cuz i dont got class till 11. you'd figure it woul be easy to get out of my house on time but its not that is way too early for me! so tomo i will have to force myself to wake up early bc i will have to read also before eng class cuz i wont be able tonite bc of this damn essay. ahhhhhhhh im goinng crazy im such a procrastinator even though i didnt wait totally last minute cuz i at least started my essay yesterday:) and im also been thinking about what i want to do with my life after college and i have no idea what. im majoring in eng now but i dont know if i want to be a teacher or work for a magazine and do the layout or just be a journalist. i dont know i think im leaning more towards the magazine thing or i can be a creative writing teach cuz i love creative writing but i dont think i could be a good teacher cuz im scared of talkin in front of people. jasmine says i look like i could be a librarian but i dont want to get bored sitting in a library all day although it is relaxing and i like doing nerdy stuff like that. I dont know but i need to know by friday cuz im making my schedule for next semester and i want to know what to take im already in my second year i need to start thinkin what im gonna do. ahhh my brain hurts im done

NO PARTY IN BROOKLYN AFTERALL :(

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 22:57:59 GMT

Yeah so we didnt go to that party because they were gonna end it at 11 and by the time jay got out of work it was too late. Instead O'Hara showed up at his house when he got out of work because crazy Sean was back from school for the weekend. So i was left alone for most of the nite becaue sean wanted to go do crazy stuff around l-town with jay. i was kind of upset cuz i wanted to hang out with my bf but i see him every day so i got over it. Anyway we made up for time lost the next nite :) hehe
Our old friend Rob has been hanging out again with me, liz and jas, well mostly jas and liz bc im usually in by the time hangs out. I havent really been hanging out lately cuz im with jay alot but i dont mind. I just got pissed last nite when jay said he would be at my house in 25 min and then i waited like an hour when i could have been hanging out with lizzie in that time. But its ok i read a poem for eng class a very long one. Speaking of eng class i missed that class today bc i woke up late from being up so late last nite. i was kinda angry that i woke up so late bc i dont like missing class at all now i have to email my teacher and find out what i missed.
My calligraphy class is no longer frustrating anymore bc im getting better at writing the letters. It is actually a really fun class now where i can be creative and make a mess with ink and glue and paper and sissors-well u get the idea. I always come out of that class with blobs of ink on my hands. Im so messy! I handed in my first project in that class. It felt great to actually accomplish something so far this semester. Next i've got an essay due for english on one of Tennyson's poems. I'm thinking of analyzing his poem "The Palace of Art" which i read last nite but i dont know i hate most of his poems cuz they are so hard to understand and so long. Alrite! enough writing about my boring life in school-im out!

PARTY IN BROOKLYN!!!!

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 23:46:26 GMT

Yeah i'm the coolest because i'm going to a party with the awesomest boyfriend i could ever have. The party is being given by Base Brooklyn clothing company and there is supposed to be a lot of pro skaters and bikers there. I'm really excited!
Yeah well back to my boy. He is so cute and so nice to me. It is like it's too good to be true. I have to still watch out because what if he decides one day that he just feels like using me or maybe he will all of a sudden think im a total loser and want to be like every other guy and just go from girl to girl and play every girl he can. I know i worry too much but you have to watch out cuz you never know. I just don't want to get hurt because i'm sick of getting hurt. But i think everything will work out fine (hopefully)-still got to be cautious- Jay is so fun to hang out with. I hope i'm not a bore to him though lol there i go worrying again. I guess if i was boring he wouldnt be going out with me.
Lizzie got part of her tattoo and she looks so damn hot with it. I went with her to get it done on tuesday. I was more nervous than she was. It looked so good that I want a tattoo now, but i don't know what or where i want one so that sorta sux.
School is alright for now, except for my Human Values class. I almost fell alseep during that class thurs and i sit right in front. I was practically dozing off and i couldnt keep myself awake. All my teacher does is talk for 3 straight hours. I can't stand it! Thursdays are my worst days cuz im in school from 2-830. And each class is about 3 hours long. I feel like the day will never end when it is thursday. All i look foward to is getting out of class and being able to hang out with Jay.
Enough of this writing! It is boring me and I don't know what else to say

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 00:32:22 GMT

Who will give you an orgasm? by leslie13
Name
Age
Virgin?
So, who will make you moan?	Your crush!
How?	Manually.
Will it be good?	You'd rather be with your dog.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Haha these quizzes are hilarious. I never tried them before until now. They are so great

No, I'm not stoned!

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 01:22:48 GMT

Just heard that the Taking Back Sunday show at Roseland in Nov is sold out....Figures it is! I only heard that they were actually playing at Roseland today. I always hear news late! They sell out so fast! Oh well, I saw them more than enough. Plus there will probably be a whole lotta teenie boppers at the show. It's alright though. The teenie boppers always sell out all the shows. Haha
Yeah so everyone says I look stoned! Funny isn't is, since I don't smoke ever! It's because of my eyes! I had some allergic reaction to a new eye make-up I used the other day and my eyes are all red. Well it didn't help that it was a liquid eyeliner and that I got a lot of it in my eye. I practically put it directly in my eyes! And now my eyes are so sore. I couldn't even see the other day when I was wearing the new make-up. Everything was all blurry with my glasses on. I thought to myself, this ain't right. I'm wearing glasses that have been working fine and now all of a sudden everyone is a blur. Lol. I thought I was going blind. It's been two days and my eyes are still red. I just want them to get better so I can wear my eye make-up I normally wear everyday instead of my eyes being naked.
Jasmine is finally coming home tonite! I pick her up with Lizzie after she gets outta work. Her flight comes in at 11 tonite at JFK. I can't wait to see her. I heard liz saying people can't wait to see how hot she is. We set up the front of her house last nite with streamers, balloons, and red, white, and blue stars. But her mom told her and it was supposed to be a surprise but Jas was still happy we decorated for her anyway.
School starts September 7th. I thought it started the 8th. It's not a big deal but I was looking forward to having one extra day of vacation and then only two days of school and then the weekend but no now I go tue, wed, and thurs. Oh well at least I don't have to start this week or next week unlike other people have to that I know. But I'm actually looking forward to going to school because I love learning. It just sux getting back into school routine.

Happy Birthday Kristen!!

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 00:23:08 GMT

Last nite was crazy! I had soooooo much fun for a change. First of all I looked all hot in my lady bug shirt and I actually liked how my hair was for once. So I get to the party and I'm just chillin until Johnny's sister arrives. She was the life of the party. She is so awesome and such a bad influence on me! Lol I started out by having only one mixed drink and then all of a sudden I'm takin 2 shots and I'm drunk. I know I'm such a lightweight, but it's ok cuz I'm a small person. After the first shot I begin getting a little more talkative and outgoing. Then by the second shot I'm falling down on Kristen's stairs because I was so tired and tipsy. I love Kristen's family though. They are so cool to chill with and drink with! Lol. I normally don't get drunk often, but last nite was the exception. I just had to. The moment called for it at the time. But I didn't go too overboard. I stopped after the second shot because I know if I didn't I would have been sick the next morning. I ended up sleeping over, with the rest of everyone who drank. I got the pleasure of sleeping on the couch next to Kristen's parents. Lol I was next to Kristen's mom and her dad was on the other side. Kristen's aunts were in her parent's room and Johnny's sister and friend were in her brother's old room. So everything worked out well last nite. Kristen's mom was trying to hook me up with a guy and still is. I tend to attract the losers so she is helping me. I also hung out with my cousin for the first time in a while. He lives so close and we never hang out but last nite he came by the party and watched me drink. But he left before I got drunk. I had so much fun last nite that I don't even remember what I did Friday nite. Well I do if I think really hard about it but I don't care because last nite was so much cooler.
Jasmine called me today! We got to talk as long as we wanted too! She will be home Wednesday. Can't wait. She said she will be really busy though when she gets back and then school starts the 8th but we will still be able to chill for a little. At least I will be able to see her. Looks like we may have to go to PA to party for her the first week of Sept. because the weekend she gets back is gonna be busy for her. But that's ok we will still have fun this weekend because she will finally be home!

Levittrash

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 02:23:10 GMT

Today I was in an ok mood until people started talking about drinking and driving and then I got really pissed. Lol I know I get so agitated so easliy but how dumb can people be to drink and drive and not care about hurting someone else. It happens all the time in Levittrash. You read crazy stories in the newspaper about crashes being caused by drunk drivers and people still continue to drink while intoxicated. I think it's just a really irresponsible thing to do. One kid said to me "how else am I supposed to get home after I drink?" HA what a dumb question why can't you just walk since you wanted, no wait needed to drink that bad, or take a cab. But no that would cost too much money, money that went wasted all on beer.
I watched The One today with Jet Lee. That was an awesome movie. I had it for so long and never bothered to watch it until today because Healy and Joe Friz picked it out. Healy had to keep explaining every part to me though...lol that always happens when I watch complicated movies that involve too much thinking. Someone always has to explain to me what's going on during the movie and since Jasmine's not here to do it for me this time, Healy did. Well anyway, the movie was about parallel universes and cool stuff like that. It got me so interested that I want to read up on parallel universes. So I will be making a trip to my best friend, The Library tomorrow!
I was supposed to hang out with Sean today I think so I actually called him and he said he would call me back at 5 but he never did so I called him back twice and there was no answer at his house. He complained to lizzie that I never call him and now I do and he don't pick up or return my call. I usually never call anybody anymore because I don't want them to think I'm annoying if I keep calling them. But they get mad when I don't call apparently so I guess it's ok then. Why do I have to always call people. They can call me too so I feel popular. haha. I don't know I was just sort of upset that Sean didn't call because he usually always does when he says he will.
Yesterday was really boring. I saw so many block parties going on and it made me feel like I was missing out because I wasn't invited to any. I thought it would have at least been bad weahter yesterday like the weather channel had said it would be, but it wasn't. I was kind of glad but in a way disappointed because I thought it was going to rain so bad that I did't want to go out anywhere and just stayed in for most of the day. I didn't want to get stuck in the rain!
Lizzie and Matt are on there way home from PA right now, well they should be home right now. I miss my lizzie.
Jasmine gets back in 10 days! I can't wait to see her. It sucks we will only have a week or so to enjoy the rest of summer vacation because then we go back to school, but Jasmine practically lived at my house before she left, so when she comes back it shouldn't be different.

The leaning tower of beer!

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 19:48:33 GMT

It was an eventful night in Paulie's garage yesterday. Watching three drunken boys try to make a tower reach the ceiling with empty beer cans is very amusing. As TJ TRIED to create the tower somehow it would keep falling and each time it fell Healy was right next to it. Coincidence, i think not. Lol he denies the fact that he knocked it down twice. So the tower never reached the ceiling after all. But Alyssa and I got it the highest, because we are the best, and of course we were the only sober people there. And ours lasted the longest until Healy "magically" knocked it over. He was standing right next to it.
Matt was playing with a hammer for half the time he was there, until he had to pick up lizzie at work. He scared the hell out of me because you can't trust that kid with any tangible object in his hand, especially a hammer. He did hit Healy in the knee, but obviously not that hard. He kept pretending to hit me and I just kept jumping everytime he did. ERRRRRRR that boy is crazy, especially with knives too. lol
Well anyway TJ is really fun to be around, especially when he is drunk, which is mostly when I'm around him anyway. He told me how the whole movie, The Wizard of Oz, matches exactly to the music of Pink Floyd's cd The Dark Side of the Moon. It's was really interesting. I need to try it someday. He said that it was done on purpose even though Pink Floyd denies it totally. I guess it just adds to the mystery. He also told me about Pink Floyd's DVD of The Wall, which I've got to check out also because it sounds crazy to watch. Pink Floyd's music, well what I have heard so far, which isn't much, is so eerie to me at times, but that's what makes it so cool and mysterious I guess.
TJ seems really smart. It's crazy how I can have intellectual conversations with him when he is fucked up. It's so crazy how he's not burnt out by now and is still really smart. I think he's so cool though. He used to get me angry though at times because he makes me worry so much and he is all chilled and out to have a good time. But I guess I'm just a worry wort, but I try not to be that way. But I can't help it sometimes because my mom puts crazy thoughts in my head (u know what I'm talkin about lizzie lol). Overall, I realized that TJ is awesome to be around with.
Another highlight to the night was when Tom comes storming back into Paulie's garage all shook up and drunk. He comes racing in, turns off the music and is like call my phone. Turns out three kids from the bowling alley ganged up on him and TJ and Noble just left him there because they don't fight. So Tom was all by himself getting beat up by three polo shirt wearing, spike haired jocks. So Alyssa and I went back to the bowling alley in my car to try to find Tom's phone, as Paulie called some people to gather for a fight. Alyssa and I had no luck finding his phone. We even called it as we drove slowly by the three jocks hearing for a phone to ring. But it would only ring twice and then go to his voicemail. Tom only cared about his phone and not getting revenge on the jocks. But Paulie and Healy wanted revenge so badly. It was fucked up that TJ and Noble just left Tom there all by himself, but then again Tom was asking for a fight because the other nite he was supposed to fight the same kid at the library, but he thought it would be one on one I guess, not three to one. There wasn't enough time to gather people together to fight because by the time Paulie called people the jocks had left. So now Tom is out of a phone and has some welts on the back of his head, according to Paulie. After that incident, which gave us all a burst of wild energy, I drove Healy and Alyssa home since we all were tired.
So my night wasn't bad at all, although I thought it would be hanging out in a garage. Today I'm off to Noble's block party to hang out with yet again another bunch of drunken crazy kids. Who says drunks aren't exciting to hang out with afterall?

It's Friday!!

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 00:16:49 GMT

Another week has flew by and nothing really exciting has gone on. Sorry I haven't updated soon enough but it's not like anyone reads this stupid thing anyway but I guess I enjoy writing in this sometimes. Well anyway work is going well, except that it gets really boring at times being cashier and doing nothing. It's so weird everytime I go to write in this thing I feel like I have so much to say but it just won't come out. I just can't write anymore. See now I don't know what to write lol. Jasmine is coming home aug 25th! I miss her soooooooo much. It will be so great when she comes home and the trio can hang out again. I just found out that Garvey is going into Afganistan :( I have been thinking about him a lot lately and I miss him too. I want to write to him but I don't know if I can now cuz he's going far far away. Well I hope everything goes well for him.
I feel like I write about boring stuff. Yeah I think I do because my life can be boring at times, except when I'm around my friends and not tired or hungry.
Great another boring night of doing nothing. I should just go to a bar in the city with my friend but I think she left already and I don't have enough money. I need to buy Kristen a gift for her 21st b-day next week and Jasmine stuff when she gets back. I just can't wait for her to get back. Next weekend and the weekend after is booked for me for now, unless things change.
I feel like going somewhere tonite but there is nowhere to go. Tomo I'm prob going to check out Ritual to see how the place is. I need to do something instead of hanging out driving around or sitting in front of someone's house.
Everytime it rains it makes me feel like there is notihng to do and I'm always in a boring mood. I would call Sean but he hasn't been calling me and he just talked to lizzie yesterday at work asking why I never call him. Ha the phone works both ways. But I think I will give him a call to see what he's up to tonite. I don't know yet.
I go back to school Sept. 8th. I kinda can't wait becaus I hope to meet my dream guy in college. My dream guy doesn't do any drugs, is not an alcoholic, is caring, considerate of my feelings, patient, understanding, motivated, smart, hard-working, fun to be around, humorous, and last but not least has muscles :) hehe lol. But I prob wont't ever meet guy a guy like that because everyone I meet is involved in bad stuff that I don't like. Maybe I'm just asking for too much in a guy. I don't know. But I don't think asking for a guy who isn't involved in drugs and doesn't always drink is asking too much? Oh but wait it is, well at least it seems that way from the people I'm around with and the people I meet. Oh well enough of my rambling. I feel like going out now to do nothing. lol im jk I feel like this entry was too depressing and portrayed some anger at times. I enjoy doing nothing as long as I'm with my friends I'm happy because they are cool to chill with even when there is nothing to do.